Caution...Hazard...Warning....Do Not Proceed...
Caution...Hazard...Warning....Do Not Proceed..Do Not Proceed
Caution...Hazard...Warning....Do Not Proceed...

This is the truest story you will ever hear, so drink up your tea and listen to me.
Once upon a time not so long ago, a building went insane.

The rafters
the ceiling
they had the queerest feeling
bewildered
the hallway
said, "I'm really not myself today"

Watch how I tranquilize
the plaster of this high-rise
You better take notes
the kitchen isn't well.

Break out the AEDs
that door's about to seize
and get the phone 'cause it's connected
to a deviant bell

Johnny Anderson decided he would play
all alone in the old elevator
Johnny Anderson decided he would push
all the buttons in the old elevator, uh oh

Well you can call it fate
or you can call it plain bad luck
but that building had had enough
and as the very walls began to lose their grip,
little Johhny
started screaming

He started screaming

He started screaming

Soon the hotel staff rang up the fire house
"Hello, we have a situation and we need you now!
All the water pipes have started laughing nonstop,
the building's gone insane."

The rafters
the ceiling
they had the queerest feeling
bewildered
the hallway
said, "I'm really not myself today"

(Say what?)
The building is going insane
(I heard a rumor, it's)
It's going insane
(What a waste)
The building is going insane
(Such a shame)
The building is going insane

With a scarlet squeal, the fire engine arrived
and Mrs. Anderson asked if her son was alive
One by one they crawled into the shaft

They started screaming.

They started screaming.

They started screaming.

The rafters
the ceiling
they had the queerest feeling
bewildered
the hallway
said, "I'm really not myself today"

The rafters
the ceiling
they had the queerest feeling
bewildered
the hallway
said, "I'm really not myself today"

I have to say I'm really not myself today..
I have to say I'm really not myself today..

The rafters
the ceiling
they had the queerest feeling
bewildered
the hallway
said, "I'm really not myself today"


For the rest of his life, John Anderson demonstrated a pathological fear of elevators. As an adult, he could not be employed in offices located higher than the fifth floor. He died at the age of eighty-two, in a bizarre stairway accident.